That Which Shall Not Be Named (Part 1); Botswana, Into the Closet

I saw a 202 number on my phone, and I knew it was probably the Peace Corps. I heard my Placement Officer on the other end.

She was being evasive, referring to "the country you've been assigned." The country that shall not be named... has a government very supportive and involved in HIV programs and ...is more developed than most other African nations.

She called for one reason, to ask me something before she confirmed my assignment. In my personal statement, I tell my personal story about coming out in high school, never wanting to lie about who I was, struggling as a gay teen, and how what I went through motivated me to create change in the world. The end of my statement says clearly that I am anticipating and fully willing to closet myself for the Peace Corps experience, knowing the type of place I want to go to.

She asked if I had any concerns about closeting myself. I told her I had none, that I would probably have a lot of bigger things on my mind that it wouldn't be an issue. "Since [the country that shall not be named] is fairly developed, it's common for people to Google someone's name when they're new to the community or organization. Is there anything that comes up if you Google your name that someone might be concerned about?"

"National GAY... OSU GAY... GAY... HOMO... GAY... "

"I'll call the country you've been assigned to and find out if they have any concerns, but I don't think it will be a problem. In the meantime, see if you can remove anything that might come up."

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It's not something I'm particularly concerned about until that conversation. The Peace Corps is extraordinarily LGBT-friendly.

In [the country I've been assigned to] homosexuality is a crime.

I anticipated ending up in a place like that, but my motivation to go and do the work overwhelms any concern I might have. I'm not going there to date or have sex. I'm going to Organize, to learn, to culture myself.

When I started writing in my first blog, there's a reason I used my real name instead of a typical pseudonym. It was a symbol that I'm not hiding anything about who I am. I'm gay, I'm human, I'm flawed, I'm a lot of things. Here I am. But I will never lie about who I am or hide anything. It's antithetical to the core of my values.

It's going to come up, and I'm still not quite sure how it will or what to say. The biggest concern I realize is how do I credential myself? 90% of my organizing experience is around gay issues. How do I talk to the people I'm working with and for about my experience and give myself credibility?

Secondly, how do I tell my story? Talking about my coming out experience in high school and the struggles I went through is one of the best ways I build relationships with other people struggling to create change in the world. And what about my 4 years of doing work in LGBT communities, ballot-initiative campaigns and creating non-profits? I'll have to find other less specific ways to talk about it.

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2 hours later, I heard from my Placement Officer again. She spoke to "the country I've been assigned to" and there's no concern on their end. Then, I found out where I'm going to spend the next 2+ years of my life.